I want to Die by Kevin Baker

I don’t want to die a lingering death,
Spending months, weeks, or even days aware of Reaper’s noxious breath.
I dread a slow consumptive demise,
Dragging out agonizingly, achingly, pitifully and painfully,
While I must gaze upon the horror, frustration, and conflict in my loved-ones’ eyes.

I don’t want to die by a stranger’s hand,
Who by accident, indifference or malice planned,
Regards my existence as an inconsequential trifle,
Because her own life is vacant and pitiful.
Filled with self-absorption, hatred, rage,
With nothing compelling him to engage.
Absent of consideration, compassion, empathy, or love,
Seething with self-doubt, and self-loathing above
all.

No violence, please, to end my life,
No guns, bombs, bludgeons, or knives.
No drowning or suffocation of any kind,
No poisons or burning that would make it difficult to find,
That it was me that died that day,
Without a sample of my DNA.

I want to die a quiet peaceful death,
My final experience your gentle breath,
Perhaps in a kiss or quiet conversation,
In a moment absent all frustrations.
Better still if I perished in a moment of intimacy,
Though I understand why you might not agree.

I want you to be the last soul that I see,
And my children who are the universe to me.
I want you to gaze at the smile on my face,
And know that it was you and they who put it in its place.
I want to die with all of you knowing,
That I loved you to my marrow,
Though I am mindful that it may not have always been showing,

I want to die finally,
While in your thoughts kindly.
And one more thing that you should know,
Once I’m gone you can say you’ll let go.
I want to die happy, satisfied, and content,
Once all my allotted days have been spent.
I want to die just that way,
Though I do hope that it won’t be today.


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Kevin Baker had been an academic pharmacologist engaged in teaching and research, both bench and clinical research, at university. He retired in 2008 after thirty-five years, and has spent his retirement as an entrepreneur, having co-founded a health information technology company. Kevin also has read extensively in the areas of physics and consciousness. In recent years he’s dabbled in writing poetry with three poems published in Writer’s Egg Magazine, and some paintings. The connections between science, consciousness, and spirituality seem to be the major focus.