His lashes swarm The sharp words of insults and lies that he lets slip across his lips Hurling across the room at me As if he’s doing me a favor by awakening me to the disastrous monster that he says I am Those webs of tangled up less than half-truths Threatening my sanity I always thought "It will never happen to me" And, yet it has The rope of insecurities he’s weaved together around my neck Any outward pain will never measure up to reflect the inward scarring The script in my head being replaced by the hate that he spreads I go pale as the noose tightens Jumping in the shower as if to wash off his thoughts in my head Water hisses as it caresses and hides my tears as it offers healing But it can’t repair the damage done because it’s all the way down to my bones The water fails me and reminds me that I am his I am his and at such great cost I inhale deeply but my lungs feel no relief I cautiously exhale slowly terrified to make a sound Pondering if he’ll wake by the slightest twitch of the bedsheet? Wondering if my sanity will return if I make it out in one piece? Or if I’m too damaged and a lost cause? And who will come to replace me and be strangled by the same tone? Willing and fighting myself to gain the courage to leave all the while knowing that this suffocation must end with me Then I realize those are his fabricated threads too And I’m out of the door before I turn permanently blue
this body is a shell that i exist within that I survive in it’s a vessel i linger on in the mirror a few blinks too many long enough for my innate despise to turn into loathing i label it, devalue it, and constantly try to force it to be something it will never be i shouldn’t and i know that i’m merely replicating what you did to it first you shouldn’t have done it either you even less than me because it’s mine after all not yours: then, now, or ever stop labeling it stop attaching value to it stop seeking my worth in it stop using it stop abusing it you have your own and i am more than capable to crumble or to glue the pieces of dignity back together on my own so that i win this fight of survival
Stephanie Stone currently resides in South Korea and is working as an ESL teacher. She is from the USA and was born and raised in North Carolina. Stephanie attended Appalachian State University where she received her bachelor’s degree. She enjoys reading, playing with her golden retriever, listening to music, traveling, and writing poetry. Stephanie is dedicated and has a strong enthusiasm for adventure.